omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
