if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
