I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
