Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
