hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
