Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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