if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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