And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
