The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
