If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
