I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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