I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
