dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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