wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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