i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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