WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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