apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
