im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's Friday. Sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
