id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
