Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
