so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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