I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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