Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
