so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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