I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
