On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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