I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
