I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
