Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The air was thick with penises
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
