Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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