even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mom said you looked used
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
