Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
