maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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