help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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