even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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