we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
