Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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