WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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