Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
