Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
