dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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