I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize