they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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