I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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