My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize