You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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