We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We have started to decorate penises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize