She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
