2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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