the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
