I can text with my tongue
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
