some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
