Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
