He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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