I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
