i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
