If that was your dad, he is hot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had to cum in my sink.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
