i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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