I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
