i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
