Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
