YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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