wakey wakey hands off snakey
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
