I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize