I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
