dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
