Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
