His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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