Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
