Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
