I heard we made out
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
