Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
