I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize