Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
