FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
