If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
