how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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