I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
