I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
