So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
