Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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