Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is an emotional support booty call
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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