i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
