I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
