okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
