Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize