At least make sure they are 18
Why
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
