i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
