remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
