I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
