So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
