i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
