Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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