when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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