it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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