so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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