Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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