Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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