we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
